Attachment Theory Test

Discover your Attachment Type! Choose one of the two tests – 10 min. Quick Test or 20 min. Longer Test.
Help speed your recovery by learning about your very own Attachment Type.

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Trauma Survivors will appreciate this book

Trauma is not always very well understood by people who have not experienced much of it, by their account, anyway. I think it’s safe to say all of us have experienced some degree of trauma, be it from before an age we can remember, or it’s even possible we may be repressing it from our very own consciousness entirely.

The way in which trauma needs to be dealt with in order to heal in a healthy manner depends much on the support one has, or does not have, after the traumatic event.

Studies show that the more support one has after a traumatizing event can be the difference between healing and not healing, or recovering after the event.

Many survivors of trauma have no support from friends or family and even though their are resources in almost every community, going it alone can be discouraging and lonely. People often feel misunderstood, alone, worthless, even. The very people whoa re supposed o love and care, your family, they are not there. It can make one begin to believe that they are a burden on the lives of others and that they are not deserving of others affection or friendship.

Soon, this way of thinking can infiltrate your entire sense of self worth. That’s why if you grew u in a family where the parents active;y dismissed your feelings, you may struggle to clearly express your feelings at any given time.

When you do not express yourself and set boundaries and make clear defined lines for what you will and will not tolerate, it leads you into a cycle of further trauma, abuse and pain. You lose yourself, you lose your soul.

If this sounds like you, please read on. Maybe you will find answers and hope in this book I am recommending today. It truly opened my eyes to so many things and I believe it would be a good idea for anyone to take a look at.

This book is one of the best on the subjects of Trauma, Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), Abuse, Childhood Upbringing, Understanding your personality (the Fight, Flight, Fawn or Freeze Types), or a mix of them, plus a whole new explanation of the human personality, and how it grows and learns, within an abusive or otherwise traumatizing environment:

Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA

 

Interesting fact: C-Ptsd, or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is not currently recognized by the DSM-5. (Diagnostic Statistical Manual: Revised, 2013)

If you are a person who has made it through any amount of time under the dangerous wrath of a Covet Narcissist, Sociopath, or other controlling and severely abusive type personalities, then you know all too well that the DSM is not the only source of information to rely on that is out there.

In other words, though these personality types and terms have been left out of the most recent release of the DSM, survivors of this kind of torture, betrayal and destruction know – not because they choose to, but because of the horrifying memories of abuse they were subjected to that continue to weigh in on their every day lives, without mercy.

Here’s a YouTuber who talks about Narcissism, Antisocial Personality Disorder, Borderline Personality Disorder, and much, much more! I have learned SO much from him, and I honestly believe that, if you are feeling confused, helpless, addicted to someone who hurts you and want to break free but are unsure how, and are craving some much needed clarity, it would be HUGE mistake for you to pass this up-Please Check Out Richard Grannon, or Spartan Life Coach on his Youtube Channel HERE!
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Assuming the Worst and Sabotaging my own Relationships

FEAR

The core of myĀ fearĀ is aĀ lack of trust.

Not only aĀ lack of trust,Ā but aĀ distrust.

AĀ distrustĀ is present, but is not based on facts, only distantĀ fear.

How, then, can it feel so near?

Even though it has yet to show its evil face around here.

NoĀ chancesĀ to win, not even to lose.

I lose before they can even try to play,

because I know that time spent with me, only ends in dismay.

I determine my destiny by assuming the worst.

I find fault and enough reasons to doubt.

Enough reasons to leave it behind.

I tell myself I am doing this for my protection.

In the end of it all – I have nothing to protect myself from.

Damned if you do me.

Damned if you don’t.

Why, then, even try?

Why feel excited when you meet new friends?

If the way it plays out will always be anticipated as bad,

If I quit before I try,

If I pull back before I try,

Then I will never have to sit down, wipe my tears, or say good-byes.

You can write your own path, and then live it,

without doubt, without fear.

So, why do I set myself up for it when the outcome is not yet clear.

These things are precious, and precious things take time.

The effort I am not willing to invest,

after all, time spent with me is always a mess.

But every single one of life’s journey’s holds a little surprise inside…

Why not just let go, take the punches on slow, sit back and enjoy the ride?

time and time again, my friend

why don’t you smile, stop worrying, just pretend.


Written by: Katrina James on May 9, 2018 at 6:21 m. Registered, Protected & Monitored byĀ Copyrighted.comĀ Ā© 2018

Fearful-Avoidant Attachment

The “Fearful Avoidant” Attachment Style is the type thatĀ desires to be involved in relationships that are close and fulfilling, just as everyone else does, butĀ at the same time will feel the need toĀ avoid these highly triggering and vulnerable relationships.

The reason that this attachment type is one of the most difficult and confusing to understand is because of this very reason.

However, the reasoning behind these behaviors and tendencies are not all that difficult or confusing to understand.

The fearful avoidant feels safer when they are not involved in close, vulnerable relationships with others because being close with others has not ended well for them in the past.

They have learned that people who were close to them by default (family, members of the household) and who were supposed to care for them, did not, would not, or could not.

The message is recieved:

These people who are “close with me” (meaning: close by me, more than anyone else) are not trustworthy or reliable, and I do not feel safe or protected by them.

So, similarly, when they become adults, they also feel that others are generally not safe to be close with or trust.

As a result, fearful avoidants avoid getting hurt because the action they take in response to this subconscious fear is avoidance.

Eventually though, even this self defense mechanism cannot provide them with very much satisfaction, and this is because there is a simultaneous true and deep desire to be close with others in fulfilling relationships.

The problem is, to avoid the required risk taking that comes with every experience, is to hold yourself down and to ensure that there is no way or how that they will ever find the close relationship that they desire and fear with such intensity.

The fearful avoidant most likely has no idea that they exhibit these behaviors and tendencies.


So, how do you know that your perspective on yourself is accurate?

Maybe you know someone who would find some clarity when it comes to discovering and identifying with the person who they really are.

Or,

Maybe you can relate, as well? šŸ˜•

Personally, I found the best way to open yourself up to the reality of who you really are and how your damage and abuse and upbringing has affected you is to:

1. Leave your family home/ environment in which caused the dysfunctional tendencies.

2. move in with other people who have to also contribute to the relationship in order to keep a stable home.

~You Will Notice~

ā™¢ Everybody has to:

ā€¢assert their needs and

ā€¢ listen to the others assert their own needs,

ā€¢reciprocate, cooperate, give, recieve

ā€¢and explain to each other what needs to be done and how to best improve the relationship amongst you, in order to maintain the household together.

Now, you’re probably thinking that in theory, yes, that sounds like a good idea…

Leave your abusive family, go out on your own, move in with friends, discuss the problems amongst you in a mature, constructive manner, and that’s that! All of your problems solved! Every last ounce of pain from your childhood, healed!

And who knew it was THAT simple. ………..

Except, it isn’t that simple.

Hopefully, what I am discussing today is making some sense to you. I cannot fool myself into thinking that I will be able to help everybody, or anybody, for that matter; Especially not in only one day, and with one post!

Yes, we have only scraped the very, very tip of the surface level on this topic, so please do not feel discouraged.

If you’re like me, you’ve most likely already exhausted every blog, article and post that you can find on the subject.

If that is the case, please let me know by visiting the Contact Page, or you can simply leave a comment in the section below this article.

I would really be excited to hear from you, if you have something you would like to say.

There is a zero hate tolerance rule around here, but that does not mean I do not love & appreciate some good ole’ constructive criticism!

P.S. I am a Virgo! So, if that didn’t sum it up for you, what it means is:

I LOVE constructive criticism.

In my opinion, how is one supposed to improve and refine their work if there is never a second thought as to how it can be even better!

???


So, don’t be shy– go & let me know right now… [ Here’s a quick linkĀ to that Contact Form ] … I am still very much a fresh newbie in this blogging gig thang, so it would be extremely helpful to hear what you think of my content so far!

-Is there any subject in particular that you’d like me to talk about?

-Should I speed up, and get to the point on this subject?

-Or slow down?

-Is this information relevant to you?

-Is the information clear, or is there anything I should get more in-depth about?

Please let me know what you think!

Here’s another quick link–

Contact me here

Thank You so much for visiting today. I hope you have enjoyed your time spent with me. I definitely did!

Well, please come back soon, and again, forgive me for the little amount of content I have thus far, I am doing this all by myself, but I am dedicated! I promise to keep adding more and as often as i can.

Please feel free to share this to anyone you know that would find this helpful. Thanks again, until next time!

Peace, Love, Empathy

-Kurt Cobain