The “Fearful Avoidant” Attachment Style is the type that desires to be involved in relationships that are close and fulfilling, just as everyone else does, but at the same time will feel the need to avoid these highly triggering and vulnerable relationships.
The reason that this attachment type is one of the most difficult and confusing to understand is because of this very reason.
However, the reasoning behind these behaviors and tendencies are not all that difficult or confusing to understand.
The fearful avoidant feels safer when they are not involved in close, vulnerable relationships with others because being close with others has not ended well for them in the past.
They have learned that people who were close to them by default (family, members of the household) and who were supposed to care for them, did not, would not, or could not.
The message is recieved:
These people who are “close with me” (meaning: close by me, more than anyone else) are not trustworthy or reliable, and I do not feel safe or protected by them.
So, similarly, when they become adults, they also feel that others are generally not safe to be close with or trust.
As a result, fearful avoidants avoid getting hurt because the action they take in response to this subconscious fear is avoidance.
Eventually though, even this self defense mechanism cannot provide them with very much satisfaction, and this is because there is a simultaneous true and deep desire to be close with others in fulfilling relationships.
The problem is, to avoid the required risk taking that comes with every experience, is to hold yourself down and to ensure that there is no way or how that they will ever find the close relationship that they desire and fear with such intensity.
The fearful avoidant most likely has no idea that they exhibit these behaviors and tendencies.
So, how do you know that your perspective on yourself is accurate?
Maybe you know someone who would find some clarity when it comes to discovering and identifying with the person who they really are.
Maybe you can relate, as well? 😕
Personally, I found the best way to open yourself up to the reality of who you really are and how your damage and abuse and upbringing has affected you is to:
1. Leave your family home/ environment in which caused the dysfunctional tendencies.
2. move in with other people who have to also contribute to the relationship in order to keep a stable home.
~You Will Notice~
♢ Everybody has to:
•assert their needs and
• listen to the others assert their own needs,
•reciprocate, cooperate, give, recieve
•and explain to each other what needs to be done and how to best improve the relationship amongst you, in order to maintain the household together.
Now, you’re probably thinking that in theory, yes, that sounds like a good idea…
Leave your abusive family, go out on your own, move in with friends, discuss the problems amongst you in a mature, constructive manner, and that’s that! All of your problems solved! Every last ounce of pain from your childhood, healed!
And who knew it was THAT simple. ………..
Except, it isn’t that simple.
Hopefully, what I am discussing today is making some sense to you. I cannot fool myself into thinking that I will be able to help everybody, or anybody, for that matter; Especially not in only one day, and with one post!
Yes, we have only scraped the very, very tip of the surface level on this topic, so please do not feel discouraged.
If you’re like me, you’ve most likely already exhausted every blog, article and post that you can find on the subject.
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There is a zero hate tolerance rule around here, but that does not mean I do not love & appreciate some good ole’ constructive criticism!
P.S. I am a Virgo! So, if that didn’t sum it up for you, what it means is:
I LOVE constructive criticism.
In my opinion, how is one supposed to improve and refine their work if there is never a second thought as to how it can be even better!
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Thank You so much for visiting today. I hope you have enjoyed your time spent with me. I definitely did!
Well, please come back soon, and again, forgive me for the little amount of content I have thus far, I am doing this all by myself, but I am dedicated! I promise to keep adding more and as often as i can.
Please feel free to share this to anyone you know that would find this helpful. Thanks again, until next time!
Peace, Love, Empathy